“We lie best when we lie to ourselves,” wrote Stephen King. It’s scary to think about what we lie to ourselves about as dads. On my worst day, I might see my wife working hard and think, “I worked hard earlier, so I can put my feet up now.” Truth is, maybe I’ve been slacking lately and need to pitch in and ease my wife’s workload.

A lot of us lie to ourselves to justify taking a break. Researchers call this making “self-serving justifications.” Self-justifying can take many forms. But every form is selfish. Here are 3 damaging ways dads justify themselves.