Everything had changed so quickly. Moments earlier, Margo and her sisters had been sitting in the living room having a tea party laughing with Gru. Now, she was buckling her seatbelt and couldn’t look him in the eye. Margo and her younger sisters were headed back to the orphanage, and the man they thought wanted to be their father stood silently as the car pulled away. She never wanted to see him again.

In the same way Gru’s silence in Despicable Me harmed his relationship with the girls, our words often have the same effect. When we praise, challenge, and encourage our kids, we help build their character and self-esteem. But there are things we say and do that not only tear them down but also impact a child’s ability to respect us as parents. Kids respecting their parents is important for a healthy relationship. Here are 5 things you say that make it hard for your kids to respect you.

1. “I’ll let you get away with it this time.”

One of the hardest parts of parenting can be those moments when you must enforce your family rules. If you’ve laid down a rule for your kids with clear consequences, it’s critical that you follow through even if it’s hard. Telling your son “I’ll let you get away with it this time” because you’re scared to hurt his feelings will also cause him to lose respect for you. What they learn from these moments is that your words cannot be trusted, because you don’t follow through when it’s hard.

2. “Do as I say, not as I do.”

If kids respecting their parents isn’t important to you, then feel free to use this one. If your daughter catches you sneaking a cookie before supper, using language you wouldn’t want her to use, or watching a show that she knows is inappropriate, she’s likely to call you on it. If our response to being caught breaking a family rule is “do as I say, not as I do,” you’re teaching your kid a significant life lesson. Whether we like it or not, our kids imitate us in many things: often they’ll do what we do and not what we say.

3. “It’s OK to look at the menu if you’re not going to order.”

Some dads who get caught taking a second or lingering glance at an attractive woman will dismiss it by saying that “it’s OK to look at the menu if you’re not going to order.” When we do this, we’re teaching our kids a fundamental lesson. Daughters learn to expect men to objectify them, and sons learn that this is how they are supposed to treat women. We instead need to teach that a man’s responsibility is to make the world better for women, a duty that starts with the way we look at them.

4. “This is all your mom’s fault.”

While it’s bound to happen in most relationships, kids hate when their parents are fighting. What makes these fights infinitely worse is when a kid gets dragged into the middle of the fight. When going to check on your daughter after a fight, you might be tempted to say something like “This is all your mom’s fault” or “I can’t believe she said or did that” to justify yourself. Resist the urge to do this. Statements that blame your spouse or your kids’ mom only serves to create more division in the family.

5. “Don’t tell Mom.”

There’s a difference between a father-son moment that you want to treasure, just the two of you, and asking your kid to keep a secret from his mom. Usually the words “don’t tell mom” are uttered when you’re trying to avoid the consequences of an action. Maybe it’s trying to keep that speeding ticket quiet, justifying a guilty pleasure, or hiding something you did that you know she wouldn’t approve of. Not only are you refusing to take responsibility for your actions, you also teach your son other lessons you probably don’t want him to learn.

Sound off: What are other things dads say that make it hard for kids to respect their parents?

Source: All Pro Dad here