Almost 16 years ago, my wife decided to tell me she was pregnant while I was cooking. I won’t forget quickly going from standing at the oven to sitting at the table. Two feelings rushed through me: joy and fear—joy over the blessing of starting a family and fear of the unknown. I’d never been a dad before. Over the next few months, my mind stayed fixed on the gravity of being a father.

My fears centered on ways I might mess up my kid for life. Kids are a huge, expensive responsibility. In my years of raising a 15-, 12-, and 5-year-old, all the things I worried about haven’t come true. But there have been more sneaky dad mistakes—things you might not think about. Here are 3 dad mistakes to stop making.