My son is a typical teenage boy, who loves to play video games. But my wife and I have noticed that when he plays a lot of first-person shooter games, he tends to become more aggressive. It’s like he’s still in attack mode after he’s done playing. He’ll argue a little more, say nitpicky comments to his sister, and make negative comments about the show we’re watching. The interesting thing is that he doesn’t notice the change in his demeanor—the change is so subtle he’s unaware of it.

Sometimes, the consequences of our actions are obvious to us, like not paying bills on time and being charged late fees, getting unfavorable reviews at work because were unfocused, or hurting our kids because we forgot about a promise we made and didn’t keep it. Other times, the consequences are so subtle we fail to see them. These include some pornography effects men experience. The problem is that those consequences, which may seem small to some, at best make life less satisfying. At worst, they cause pain and disconnection. Here are 5 subtle consequences of pornography.

1. It makes you a little colder.

Thinking sexual thoughts about people means you’re using them for your pleasure. It’s all about you. The people are objects to you rather than individuals with thoughts, feelings, pain, hopes, and dreams. They become what you want them to be for a moment and then are easily discarded. This exercise makes us lose a little of our humanity, empathy, and connection.

2. It dims your love life.

There’s nothing real about pornography. It’s an act, an easy way be stimulated, and it fosters phony desire and selfish pleasure. Real relationships and a healthy sex life take time and effort. Rewards in real life are delayed and arrive after you give each other a significant amount of energy, effort, and love. Porn’s instant gratification can leave you disenchanted when a real relationship takes work. Now, you may think, “Maybe I should just watch porn then and be gratified right away.” But the excitement and thrill it brings have a diminishing return. So you will consume more and more of it with less and less satisfaction. Meanwhile, your real relationship suffers.

3. It breeds misery.