med Ryan Patterson who was really funny. This isn’t related at all to what I’m about to say, but he was prematurely greying, he smoked a lot of Camel Lights, and he would laugh like a hyena after 90 percent of the things that you said to him. Also, he liked to go to bars, drink a lot of whiskey and spend all night talking to the bartender. Male bartender, female bartender, it didn’t matter. He wasn’t hitting on them, he was just keeping them company.
Anyway, there was something Patterson would say anytime someone would start bragging. Like, say another one of our roommates, Ryan Murdock (lot of Ryans born in the late ’70s), announced that he would be making $12 per hour over the summer working at the bookstore. Patterson would say, “Murdock, you’re so awesome. I want your life.” He was being sarcastic, of course, which is why I loved it.

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