On a normal Monday morning, I sat across from a 17-year-old young man for coffee. He was a senior in high school, about to go off to college, and wanted to discuss a few things with me. It became clear that he wasn’t prepared for adulthood. He was concerned about missing class because his mom wouldn’t be there to wake him up. He shared that he got a part-time job on campus but didn’t know how to put his paycheck into his bank account. We are not raising kids; they are already kids. We are supposed to be raising adults.

What does it mean to be prepared for adulthood? Who is to blame for his unpreparedness? As I asked about his parents, he shrugged his shoulders. He said, “They have been checked out for a long time now.” As my heart hurt for my young friend, I thought about my own children. How can I best prepare them for adulthood? Here are 3 things you need to think about as your kids are getting older.

1. What will we celebrate?

This must be a consistent conversation in your home. What gets celebrated gets repeated, and what is repeated sticks. Think about your family’s core values. Gratitude, selflessness, hard work, and grace are a few we hold onto in our family. When our kids put extra effort into a school project, they are showing that they know that hard work matters. We celebrate this by letting them know we see them and are proud of their effort. Write down your family’s core values, and look for ways you can celebrate when your kids live out these values.

2. What relationships will they have?